My friend Baloo:
Baloo was my friend, he was my confidant when I was sad. I could talk to him about anything and I know he would listen. I would sit there and he would turn his head to the side, his ears were up and then he would give me his paw. He would jump up on the couch, cuddle up to me and he would say: “It’s all going to be ok”.
Baloo was killed a year ago. I know I “should” get over it or rather over him, but God knows why I haven’t been able to. My hurt has gotten smaller, my pain seems to reside, and yet knowing this is the anniversary of his death, I “go right back there”. I wish I didn’t!
I heard a friend say one day that healing occurs in its own time. Well, then maybe this is the saying for me. I am not over him. I feel so stupid. Why am I still grieving? I am though. I really am. My kids posted pictures of him and this reminded me of his accident. That’s ok. They too are thinking of our sweet Baloo and they too remember him and his loving. They too are hurting in their own way.
Gosh, Baloo was such a great being. He would watch over me. He would bark at my command and he would growl when he felt someone “bad” was close to our property. I have tried so hard to get over this. I have Brandon’s Katara now. Our little Aussie. And yet it’s just not the same. Katara has his coloring and she’s so sweet and yet she’s not Baloo.
Baloo was Baloo. Carefree. A big bear. Huge paws. Howling at the moon and the ambulances. Gosh, I wish I could erase the picture out of my mind when I saw him on the road, hit, hurt and bleeding. Looknig at me with such love. Me being in the trunk of the SUV, holding him and racing to the vet. Praying and hoping he would be ok. And then the moment of truth. He was gone, Dr. Lisa said. He was gone.
An hour ago he was sitting in at the table with me. Hoping I would give him some treats. Oh my God, why didn’t I? Not good for dogs.
Gee, I wish I could get out of my funk. I will get over it. In time, with time. I will heal. And maybe it will just take some more time. One day I will have a doggie friend again. My dog, my friend. And he will have similar traits of Baloo. But this is not the time yet. The time will come and present itself.
So, I am going to cook now. This is what keeps me always from being in a funk. Cooking is a great healing activity for me. And so I do!
I love you, Baloo. I miss you and I thought about you yesterday and all this weekend. I hope you’re having fun in doggie heaven! And I know Guruji is with you!
Love you my dear FRIEND!
In light and with Blessings,